It's May 1st. Starting month number 5, without a job. I have turned in over 200 resumes and applications, still nothing. Every time something looks promising, it doesn't come through. Now I'm not the one for pity-parties or poor-pitiful-me stories. I'm the kind of pick myself back up, brush it off and keep on rolling with it, something is bound to come through. Over 200 rejections. This is something I've never dealt with before and four months without a job, I'm lost on what to do next. The business isn't taking off and I know these things take time. But how much time do I have. I'm lucky enough that I live in a rental that was part of my previous employment. My best friend and I had an agreement that I wouldn't cost her anything to live here. The double-wide trailer should have been condemned before I started working on it to move in. I've done a lot to the place and still working on it. With me no longer being employed since her son took over and our employment contract came to an end, how long am I going to be able to stay where I am. I can't pay rent because I haven't found a job. I know I could go somewhere around here and get hired, don't get me wrong. I am not ready to put my little girl in daycare. This Friday she will be 2 years old. I'm not ready to be away from her 8-10 hours a day, to work full time only to cover the cost of daycare. There is no father, I am all she has. Me and my parents and I know my parents can't keep her that long either. Yes, I know how spoiled and selfish I sound. I guess that has been weighing on my mind the most. I'm gonna have to do something cause finding a job that I can work from home doesn't seem to be working out and it is stressing me out to the max. Not only feeling like a failure, I gotta be doing something wrong, and all the emotions that come with it but there is also the financial side of it. I am pretty good with money but when it's not coming in regularly it makes things really hard. By no means am I giving up, it's just a struggle that I'll deal with like all the rest. One of my best guy friends said something to me the other day that has stuck in my head and I kind of having a hard time wrapping my mind around. He said "Steph, your career is over for now". It can't be, I don't know how to separate my personal and professional life yet. I don't know how not to work and give my all, much less just not work at all. And what about Brooklyn? As a single parent, do I really have to choose between raising my daughter or providing for her?
