PTK

I am at the end of my second semester of college but the first set of classes working towards my degree. 20 years out of highschool, I needed a couple of prep courses first. The first semester was kind of easy and I was excited to be on the right path. Little did I know what that path would be. The second semester hit a little harder, most of my days are spent studying or working on assignments. I love it! I love learning new things, even if it means correcting what I thought I knew. I am among the oldest in my classes but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a college kid. I put my all into my classes. My boyfriend would say I put too much into it but I don't think so. 

This semester has been a real eye opening experience for me. My Freshman comp 1 required 3 major essays. I had to retake my prep algebra course because I failed the first attempt online. American Government is something...well I will keep my views on the government to myself so its just been another course I have to tread lightly on. And my business course is my favorite. That is what I am going to school for. 

This coming up week is final exams. I should be studying. But last Friday I received an email that I never expected. It was an invisition to join the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. Me, an honor student? I can not believe it. And a couple of days before that I received an email to tryout for Cheerleading. Do these people have me confused with someone else? I am 44 years old. 

So I responded to the PTK and joined the Honor Society. 

Scattered thoughts

It's been a few months again. I'll learn to juggle college and teach Brookie pre-k at home one day. Let's just say life. This morning, I saw a TikTok video that touched me deeply because it was about resentment. And my last post was about resentment. It was from Kelly Kopp (if you need to find out who he is, look him up). But let me back up right here for a minute. 

Y'all know I was raised in a very Christian home with a picture-perfect family. My dad was my momma's first boyfriend. They dated for 3 years, got married, and waited four more years to have my older brother. This means they got to know each other before adding more stress to the relationship. Then, five and a half years after my brother was born, I came along. My parents had us very much involved in church till we got grown. Then, he and I both quit going. My brother started drinking at an early age, and he still drinks. My ex-husband introduced me to drugs, and well, it's been a battle. I know my parents wanted a different life for us both, and I know they still pray for us daily. But lately, God has been working on my heart. Or I may have started listening. Don't get me wrong, I have always believed in God, and I know Jesus Christ died for our sins. I attend church occasionally and help my parents with their ministry when needed. I can tell you everything you are supposed to do and reference the bible verses to back it up. But I feel like I have been living a double life, kind of. And it is wearing on me. Lately, I have been listening to YouTube videos about the bible and trying to understand it as an adult, not the children's bible version. I haven't started going back to church, but I know I need to. I have a hard time with religion because I feel like they all get lost in the rules and forget the purpose. 

Back to this TicTok video, Kelly said something that made so much sense to me (it made me feel stupid for not knowing). He said pray for the person you have resentment towards. Not a bless their heart Southern prayer but pray like you would for a family member. Even though you might not feel like you meant it at first. Leave the rest up to the Holy Spirit. Over time, your heart will change, and before you know it, you will mean every word in that prayer, and the resentment will be gone. 

This post is all over the place and probably makes no sense to anyone except me. I will explain a little later. I still need to process some of the thoughts. To be continued...